I Don't Want Time to Stand Still
It hit me the other day that next year I will have all day to myself next year. I knew it was coming and I have been joking around with people about it but it really hit me this week. My youngest was acting weird and was off all week. I think part of it was because last week was so busy and he was with a babysitter everyday after school so I could be at the International Children's Festival helping the St. Albert Early Years Coalition with their activities. I could tell he needed some extra attention yesterday so we dropped all plans and took off to the park.
We explored, played ninja turtles, hide and seek, and spun around on the spinning wheel until we couldn't walk straight.
It was a perfect afternoon and it really hit me then that these are the last few weeks that we will be able to do this sort of thing. He will be going to Grade 1 next year and will be gone with his brother all day. And I am OK with that.
I have been a Stay at Home mom for 9 years now. NINE YEARS! I have no idea how that happened. Nine years of thinking "I can't be doing this right", "I must be messing up my kid somehow", and "holy crap how can I be the adult in this situation". Nine years of teaching my boys how to move, eat, and play. Nine years of feeling overwhelmed, isolated and alone. Nine years of finding the best friendships with incredible people I never would have met if I didn't go to that playgroup or start that consignment business. Nine years of having our marriage put through test after test and coming out stronger each time. I thought I loved my husband when we got married almost 10 years ago but it is nothing compared to the love I have for him now.
But I am SO good with the next stage. I don't want my babies to be babies again. I love being with my kids and seeing glimpses of the adults I know they will become. The older they get the more fun it is to nerd out about Harry Potter with them and talk about the possibility that an owl is coming on his 11th birthday with that letter from Hogwarts. They are easier to travel with and more and more often it is me that is slowing them down from exploring and seeing everything.
I am excited for these next few years of parenting where even though their problems will seem big to them and we will acknowledge their feelings, they will be easily solvable. Things can still be fixed with a hug and a kiss from their mom. They can go out and play by themselves for hours but will still need a bedtime story. They can get their school stuff packed, breakfast made, and teeth brushed without reminders but they still need to hop into our bed for a cuddle before they start their day.
Next year I will have whole days to myself to work, cook, do errands, meet friends for lunch, and go on field trips with them. I will be able to get my work done so that at 3:30 when they walk through the door I can hear all about their day without worrying about sending one more email first. I am going to read more, clean more, and drink my coffee while sitting and not rushing out the door. I still won't have time to do laundry though.